Rumor has it that some pregnant people experience “the best sex ever” during pregnancy, thanks to surging hormones and increased blood flow down below. And it turns out that pregnancy sex is often worth overcoming common hurdles like exhaustion, awkwardness, and anxiety. But not everyone experiences the urge to get it on, and low sex drive during pregnancy is very common.
"Couples who don't make intimacy a priority now are only going to find more excuses when the baby comes home," says Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, a sex educator and co-author of Your Orgasmic Pregnancy. "The happier you are in all aspects of your relationship, including your sex life, the better parent you'll be."
Another rumor has it that a low sex drive during pregnancy may suggest whether you're expecting a girl or boy, but that's just an old wives' tale. There is no research available to show this correlation.
If you're not in the mood for sex but want to reap the benefits of pregnancy sex, here's what you can do to increase your libido and keep your sex life alive during pregnancy.
Common Reasons for Low Sex Drive
Researchers have found that 53% of pregnant people experience low sex drive, making it a common experience during pregnancy. Considering all of the intense changes happening in a pregnant body that lead to unpleasant symptoms like morning sickness, fatigue, and irritability, it's no wonder that so many pregnant people aren't feeling super sexy.Here are four common complaints that pregnant people say interrupt their sex drive.
Fatigue
Fatigue is a classic symptom of early pregnancy and one that can quickly derail your sex life. After all, who wants to make bedroom eyes when you can barely keep them open? “Getting your body ready for pregnancy is a huge energy draw,” says Roger Harms, MD, an OB-GYN and author of Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy.
Late hours at work before maternity leave, sleepless nights, frantic nesting, and carting around 30 or so extra pounds can also take their toll. Do your best to slow down and get the recommended eight hours of sleep. If you still don't have the energy for sex, use this time as an opportunity to explore other activities that give you pleasure, whether that's massaging or kissing, says Dr. Fulbright.
Body changes and self-esteem
For some people, it's hard to channel your sexy with a belly that screams “incubator.” Though your shifting shape can take getting used to, you're probably your own worst critic.
Try to focus on your best assets. Wear clothes that feel comfortable but also make your best features take center stage—that can make you feel almost instantly more confident! Of course, taking care of yourself on the inside, through exercise and nutrition, also boosts self-esteem.
And why not try a positive attitude? "When I was pregnant, I really started to love my body and appreciate what it was able to do," says Wendy Altschuler, a Chicago mother of two. "I was growing and supporting a life, and this made me feel confident and sexy."
Fear of harming the baby
Carrying a little living being inside of you can make it tempting to slap on a "Handle With Care" label before lovemaking. But doctors agree that getting frisky is perfectly safe. "In a normal, healthy pregnancy, there's no risk to having intercourse," says Elisabeth Aron, MD, an OB-GYN and author of Pregnancy Do's and Don'ts.
The most common complications that can preclude sexual activity are placenta previa (a condition in which the placenta covers the cervix), premature rupture of the membranes, and signs of preterm labor. Otherwise, people are typically given the green light for sex for their entire pregnancy. That includes the first trimester when fear of losing the baby causes some people to fret needlessly about their bedroom behavior.
"Miscarriages aren't provoked by sex," says Dr. Harms. Second-timers, like Kindra Kirkeby of Richmond, Virginia, may have an intuitive grasp of this, making their sex life less inhibited. "It wasn't this new thing that we needed to be careful about," she says.
Relaxing (and improvising!) are key to successful lovemaking during pregnancy, especially in the third trimester when you have an out-to-there belly. During this stage, Dr. Fulbright recommends the side-by-side position or pregnant person on top, which places no pressure on the abdomen.
Discomfort
From sore, heavy breasts and back pain to pelvic pain and beyond, there is a lot of physical discomfort that can come with pregnancy. So it's no surprise that for some pregnant people, sex can be especially uncomfortable. To make it work, try new positions; just avoid lying flat on your back or having direct pressure on your belly.
"The best positions, especially as the pregnancy progresses, are with the [pregnant person] on top, either in bed or on a chair," says Shannon Clark, MD, an assistant professor in the Department of OB-GYN at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston. Lying on your side in a spooning position is also a good option, she adds.
What Sex Therapists Want Parents to Know
How To Increase Your Sex Drive During Pregnancy
It can feel impossible to want to have sex when you're body is stretching and shifting, and you're exhausted all of the time. So if you'd rather skip sex, that's totally fine. But if you do want to increase your sex drive, there are lots of easy strategies that can help you feel more comfortable (and excited!) to be in the bedroom. Below are a few tried-and-true methods to help you get that spark back during pregnancy.
Buy maternity lingerie
Flaunt your new curves with intimates that are functional and pretty. Some of your pre-pregnancy favorites may come in maternity cuts. Look for material that is comfortable to wear and doesn't restrict your body or movements.
Not into lingerie? Try upgrading your underwear. Studies have found that wearing new, fancy (to you) underwear can help you feel sexy and improve your sex drive. Remember, you don't have to look a certain way to feel sexy. Sometimes, a simple upgrade like new undies will do the trick!
Book a babymoon
Sometimes, a change of scenery is all you need, so consider a last-fling babymoon vacation. A babymoon vacation is a popular way to connect with your partner before the baby arrives and your free time evaporates. You can think of this like a honeymoon—the emphasis is on rest, relaxation, and, of course, intimacy.
Before you book a flight, though, be sure to check with the carrier to see what restrictions they have for pregnant passengers; domestic and international carriers have different policies on how far along their pregnant passengers can be.
Additionally, for folks worried about TSA security—the full body scanners are safe for pregnant people. Talk to your doctor before traveling to address any concerns, such as going through security and safely sitting for long periods on a flight.
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) guidelines say that pregnant people are safe to fly throughout their pregnancies up to 36 weeks if they do not have obstetric or medical complications. The ACOG also says that the best weeks to travel are between 14 and 28.
Strike a pose
Getting your photo taken may help you see your pregnant body in a new and more flattering light. Interestingly, researchers have found that posing in specific ways can help you feel sexy more than simply wearing revealing clothing. So consider scheduling a maternity photoshoot. You can go for a more traditional session or opt for a true boudoir shoot (think: extra sexy!).
Jennifer Loomis, a family and maternity photographer whose work is showcased in Portraits of Pregnancy: Birth of a Mother, recommends scheduling the session six to 10 weeks before your due date when your belly is clearly visible but you're not too close to delivery.
Key Takeaways
It is perfectly OK if you don't feel sexy during pregnancy—low sex drive during pregnancy is very common. If you're looking to increase your sex drive, there are lots of fun ways to get there, but don't put pressure on yourself to have sex if you don't feel like it. If you are concerned about excessive fatigue, morning sickness, or other pregnancy symptoms that are disrupting your sex life, talk to your doctor.
Updated byAmy Paturel, M.S., M.P.H.
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